Here is a collection of my best work as a retail cake decorator.
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8-Bit Beast’s Haunted House
Haunted House (also known from its NSF header information as Castle Boss) is the first (and so far, only) FamiTracker track uploaded by CM.O user 8-Bit Beast. It was posted on June 13, 2013, and the user has since abandoned the account. Since 8-Bit Beast requested constructive criticism, I can say this: the song is a mess. The lead instrument is shrill and obnoxious, the time signature seems to break frequently (likely 8-Bit Beast was copying and pasting notes without making sure the beats lined up,) and there are only two instrument patches. The main instrument, commonly referred to as the “gadunk,” plays on each channel, whereas the second instrument is a jumbled mess of notes and only appears near the end. This song is so perfectly bad, it’s beautiful.
At first listen, the song is uncomfortable to get through. It seems to go on for far too long, despite being under a minute and a half long, and it’s too inconsistent to follow along with. It may have been done unintentionally, but 8-Bit Beast created a terrible masterpiece.
In 2014 my friend Ap0c brought the song to my attention, and we couldn’t get enough of it. He made his own remix, and even incorporated Haunted House in his live sets. In 2015 Ap0c released “8-Bit Beast’s Haunted House Remastered,” a joke EP featuring the original song, a version with heavy reverb, and his remix. He commissioned me to make some album art, which is when I designed the 8-Bit Beast’s pixelated silhouette.
In 2016, Ap0c was a judge for ChipWIN: Volume 5. He and I joked around about submitting Haunted House, and I started working on “Cache Boss,” a Bit Shifter styled song using a slowed down “gadunk” as the melody, before abruptly becoming a piano midi of Haunted House. From what I’m told, the ChipWIN judges were intrigued to see a submission coming from Bit Shifter, then furious when they thought Ap0c was behind it, then entertained when they figured out it was me. The track was included as a bonus track for downloading the album, and the artist was renamed “8-Bit Shifter” to avoid misleading anyone.
A few months later, I was invited to SiIvaGunner, after submitting a handful of my own rips. One night, I tried bringing Haunted House to the group’s attention, but the response was lukewarm. I figured the best way to show the song’s potential as a meme was by example. Using the midi I wrote for Cache Boss, I submitted eight (ha) video game rips using the song, each with words like “haunted,” “castle,” and “boss,” to hint at the source material. A few team members who were awake at 3am saw “Joke: Haunted House (AKA Castle Boss) by 8-Bit Beast” pop up 8 times on Discord, and it caught their attention.
Most of my submissions were garbage, and they insisted that if I was going to force the meme on their channel, they would have to be As Quality As Possible. I reworked some of the low-effort ones, and on September 16th 2016, Haunted House was introduced on the channel, in the form of a bait and switch Castlevania rip. Unsurprisingly, the fans were confused. Some were upset and started dislike-bombing. The first Haunted House rip came just days after the “bean” fiasco, and fans were likely still upset from that. In the coming weeks however, other SiIvaGunner members began submitting Haunted House rips, and more clever Haunted House rips were submitted to the channel. Fans were referring to it as the “mystery meme.”
The team allowed me to use 8-Bit Beast in the Halloween event, and I planned on revealing the source of the meme at the end of the event. Eventually a fan traced the meme back to Cache Boss, and the community thought they had solved the mystery. I held out hope that this would throw fans off the trail until I could reveal the true source, but on September 21st, 2016, the fans had found Haunted House.
The 8-Bit Beast became one of the main characters of the Halloween event, and in what was originally intended to be the channel’s final months, Haunted House became one of the channel’s big memes. It reappeared in the Christmas event, and occasionally showed up in regular rips throughout the following year. The beast character would occasionally return for Halloween events and other promotional artwork.
In short, if 8-Bit Beast hadn’t uploaded that FamiTracker experiment, I wouldn’t have gotten a lot of the opportunities I had. I was the designated “ChipWIN bonus track” guy for about 8 (HA.) different albums, which allowed me to keep practicing making chip music, and even write a few Shyabeetus tracks for ChipWIN. SiIvaGunner made me the Quality of Control guy for Haunted House rips, and eventually made me a member of the backroom, allowing me to contribute to channel shenanigans from behind the scenes. I even got to do signatures with the team for a couple years at MAGFest, because of that.
So, thank you 8-Bit Beast, wherever you are. Gadunk gadunk gadunk, gadunk gadunk gadunk gadunk……
2021 Animation Reel
My most recent demo reel, containing almost ten years worth of my best work.
ChipWIN Bonus Tracks
Chiptunes = WIN was an online community and music label that would put out large compilation albums of chiptunes. Since 2012, the label released a big annual album, as well as a few side-albums. My friend Ap0c was a judge for Volume 5, so I decided it would be funny to submit a joke rendition of 8-Bit Beast’s Haunted House, disguised as a popular chiptune artist, Bit Shifter. At first the album organizers were mad, but when they figured out it was my doing, they decided to use it as a hidden gag track. We tweaked the artist’s name a bit, and thus began my job as the bonus track guy.
Before this point, Haunted House was an inside joke amongst a handful of folks in the chip scene. After Volume 5, I went on to use the song in SiIvaGunner rips, where people started recognizing it, pushing it to meme status. ChipWIN even went on to release a Haunted House-themed album (after we teased that the joke was retired), and SiIvaGunner themselves even teamed up with me to create a grand bonus Fusion Collab. After which, following Ap0c’s suggestion, I started submitting covers of the Matlock theme instead.
ChipWIN has presumably been shut down since 2020, and unfortunately there isn’t an archive of the albums anywhere, to my knowledge. However, I was able to gather my joke tracks and release an album. So… Here’s that. Highlights include an Auxcide-themed Haunted House/Sandstorm mashup, a seven minute Christmas medley of a wave channel singing “dick butt,” and a spaghetti western rendition of the Matlock theme.
Dating Profile Illustrations
Back in 2018, I had an online dating profile, and I decided to dress it up with my artwork, to make it more personal. My profile is no longer active, but I’ll try to piece together approximately what each blurb said.
My self-summary
ISTJ / Capricorn sun, Capricorn moon, Sagittarius rising
I’m kind of a dork. I like classic video games, quoting shows and movies, referencing memes, and making sick tunes on my Game Boy as Shyabeetus.
High quality video game ripper.
What I’m doing with my life
Currently working part time as a bakery clerk at a grocery store. Seeking work as an animator.
I live with my two roommates, their dog, and their cat.
In my spare time I write music, draw, and play video games.
I’m really good at
I’d like to think I’m pretty good at cooking. My go-to’s are fried eggplant, spaghetti with sausage, and anything with jalapeños and cheddar.
I’d also like to think I have a pretty good sense of humor.
I’m pretty good at listening, not quite as good at speaking.
The first thing people notice about me
One friend says I was big and intimidating when she first met me, so I guess my size?
More recently, they probably notice that I’m bald too.
I’ve also been told I have a cute nose.
…
I dunno, I’d have guessed people notice that I’m awkward and shy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, and music
Shows: Steven Universe, Breaking Bad, Rick & Morty, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Bojack Horseman, Gravity Falls
Movies: Wreck-it Ralph, the Nightmare Before Christmas, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Shock Treatment, the Muppets (2011)
Video Games: Paper Mario, Kirby, the Binding of Isaac, Undertale
Music: Mindless Self Indulgence, Avenged Sevenfold, Storm Blooper
I spend a lot of time thinking about
* Things that I want to create, but usually it’s when I’m at work, so I usually end up forgetting later.
* How whatever song I’m listening to can be mashed up with the Flintstones theme or All Star by Smash Mouth.
* Haunted House (AKA Castle Boss) by 8-Bit Beast
Six things I could never do without
* Insulin. (i’m a type 2 diabetic)
* The Internet
* Something with which to connect to the internet.
* Friends/Family
* Laughter
* C o f f e e
On a typical Wednesday, I am
I’m either working until 9, or I’m at home messing around on the computer all day.
But on Wednesdays, ideally I’d be getting a $4 burger at the place across the street~
Well of Souls skins
Well of Souls is a shareware online RPG from 1998. It allowed players to design their own character skins to play through the default world, Evergreen, or even build their own worlds, complete with graphics, music, and scripts. While online, players could send each other their custom skins, meaning any given server could contain a diverse cast of characters. The game is over 20 years old, and people still occasionally play online. Every few years I revisit the game and make a few skins. I’ll post the non-copyrighted ones here whenever I make more.
Click a skin to download it.
Crabby, my original crab character. Joksar, my Iksar Monk from EverQuest. Joksar, wearing the Robe of the Lost Circle. Joksar, wearing the Robe of the Whistling Fists. Tailyscale, my friend’s Necromancer Monk from EverQuest. Tailyscale, wearing his default robe. Tailyscale, wearing the Froglok Bonecaster’s Robe. Tailyscale, wearing the Guardian Robe. The disembodied head of Captain Novolin’s dietitian.
Crabby Telegram Stickers
Several years back, I created a sticker pack for my crab character. If you have Telegram, you can add the pack here! If you don’t use Telegram, don’t worry. You can view them here!
Waving Grinning Shocked Laughing Whistling Scheming Winking Bonked Sitting In Love Looking Cool Scoffing Stunned Facepalm Emotionless Bummed Worried Snickering In Pieces Flirty Arms Crossed Tired Sleeping Cheeky Nauseated Surprised Cautious Angry Steaming Mad Sad Frustrated Disappointed Uncertain Grossed Out Crying Pizza Chef Dropping Spaghetti Eating Cake ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Tim Buckley Actual Crab Rubber Hose Style Napping Goin’ Fast Chibi Sailor Crabby Shrugging Sushi Disgruntled Really Good “Seriously?” 7 Grand Crab Cat On Fire Mutant Toilet “Hug?” “Hug…” Vintage (Age 7) No More Mr. Nice Crab Objection!! Crushed Electrified Bones Nurse Intrigued Dreamworks Amused Tear of Joy I II II I_ Donuts Breathe In “Boi.” Bashful Shy Menacing Kissing Finger Guns “Ha.” Air Jerking Standard Telegram Sticker Crab Rave Somebody’s Fetish Traveler Potion Seller
Carl’s Adventure
Back in 2015 my buddy Carl Doonan asked me to write him some music for his demo reel. He hummed a little tune and sent it to me, and I wrote a bouncy Kirby-styled song around it. I even incorporated his humming into the final track.
I wasn’t familiar with FamiTracker, so I wrote the tune in LSDJ, then added the DPCM drums in post. A trained ear can tell the difference between the NES and Game Boy’s channels, but my ears sure couldn’t.
Super Buck World
This is the Buck Bumble theme, rearranged to sound like the Super Mario World overworld theme. It’s my most popular track, with more than 7,000 likes and 294,000 plays.
Glassa Milk
A timeless tale about a man and some milk. Mm.
The main artwork comes from the Super Nintendo game Captain Novolin. I created the different mouths and hand in Photoshop, and animated them to Chris DePew‘s voice in After Effects.
Captain Novolin is a game about a superhero with type 2 diabetes. Before each stage, this doctor character tells the captain what he is allowed to eat, and this often includes a glass of milk. Chris and I refer to this character as Dr. Glassa.